101TheOneWhereMonicaGetsaNewRoommate(ThePilot-TheUncutVersion)[Scene:CentralPerk,Chandler,Joey,Phoebe,andMonicaarethere.]Monica:There'snothingtotell!He'sjustsomeguyIworkwith!eon,you'regoingoutwiththeguy!There'sgottabesomethingwrongwithhim!Chandler:AllrightJoey,benice. Sodoeshehaveahump?Ahumpandahairpiece?Phoebe:Wait,doesheeatchalk?(Theyallstare,bemused.)Phoebe:Just,'cause,Idon'twanthertogothroughwhatIwentthroughwithCarl-oh!Monica:Okay,'sjusttwopeoplegoingouttodinnerand-:Soundslikeadatetome.[TimeLapse]Chandler:Alright,soI'mbackinhighschool,I'mstandinginthemiddleofthecafeteria,:Oh,:ThenIlookdown,andIrealizethere'saphone...:Insteadof...?Chandler:That':::Allofasudden,'tknowwhattodo,:Andtheyweren'tlookingatyoubefore?!Chandler:Finally,IfigureI'dbetteranswerit,anditturnsoutit'smymother,whichisvery-veryweird,because-shenevercallsme![TimeLapse,Rosshasentered.]Ross:(mortified):Thisguysayshello,:Areyouokay,sweetie?Ross:Ijustfeellikesomeonereacheddownmythroat,grabbedmysmallintestine,pulleditoutofmymouthandtieditaroundmyneck...Chandler:Cookie?Monica:(explainingtotheothers)::(toRoss)::Ooh!Oh!(ShestartstopluckattheairjustinfrontofRoss.)Ross:No,nodon't!Stopcleansingmyaura!No,justleavemyauraalone,okay?Phoebe:Fine! Bemurky!Ross:I'llbefine,alright?Really,'!她不过是我的同事!少来了,你和那个人一起出去!拜托,和你交往的男人一定有问题!打住,乔伊,嘴下留德。她驼背?既驼背又带假发?慢着,她吃粉笔吗?我只是不想你重蹈我和卡尔的覆辙。各位别急,这不算约会。我们不过是出去吃晚餐,而且不做爱。听起来仿佛是说我的约会。记得中学时代的梦,我站在自助餐厅,突然发现自己全身赤裸。我做过那样的梦。我低头一看,看见有一支电话……在那儿。而不是……?没错。我没做过那样的梦,没有。那支电话突然响起,而我不知道怎么办,每个人都开始望着我。她们以前不看你吗?!终于,我认为我应该接,结果是我妈打来,我感到很奇怪,因为我妈不曾打过电话给我!嗨。这家伙向我打招呼时我就想自杀。你还好吧?我感觉有人把手伸入我的喉咙,抓起我的肠子,从我的口中取出,然后绑在我脖上……饼干?卡罗今天把她的东西搬走了。-我帮你
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