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07语言干涩表达错误(会计类)-原稿.doc


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PERSONAL STATEMENT
By Li Qiang
After four years of undergraduate education and one and a half years of research work,(该句首先从文字上看就很啰嗦,从内容上看也不符合作者本意。作者现在仍为在校的本科生,文中实际传达的四年学习再加上一年半研究工作共五年半的学习工作经历是和实情不符的。这里可以改为”After four years of undergraduate education, including one year and half of research experience”. 另外,research work一词是中文典型的蹩脚译文,不符合英语规范。) I acquired a keen interest in accounting/finance and decided to devote myself to the research of this subject for my whole life. The confidence in making this career decision and pursuing advanced studies was gained after I got to know of my potential and capabilities.(此句冗长且空洞无味。) I am now studying at School of Economics and Management of Tsinghua University, China's leading school of business management. Competing with a group of smartest students,(Smartest students后无任何限定,意义模糊。) I am proud to say that my academic records rank first among 32 students of my class in Qsinghau University.
I also performed outstandingly in my extracurricular research work. I was the only students in my class who was designated "Excellent Student of Tsinghua University".This coveted honor changed my college life and won me many opportunities. I was permitted to join a group of talented students who were designated Special-Training Student of University (STSU). These students were selected to work on a special program specially designed to give intensive train

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