STAGE-LAND. STAGE-LAND. By Jerome K. Jerome 1 STAGE-LAND. THE HERO. His name is e, generally speaking. "Call me e!" he says to the heroine. She calls him e (in a very low voice, because she is so young and timid). Then he is happy. The stage hero never has any work to do. He is always hanging about and getting into trouble. His chief aim in life is to be accused of crimes he has mitted, and if he can muddle things up with a corpse in plicated way so as to get himself reasonably mistaken for the murderer, he feels his day has not been wasted. He has a wonderful gift of speech and a flow of language calculated to strike terror to the bravest heart. It is a grand thing to hear him bullyragging the villain. The stage hero is always entitled to "estates," chiefly remarkable for their high state of cultivation and for the eccentric ground plan of the "manor house" upon them. The house is never more than one story high, but it makes up in green stuff over the porch what it lacks in size and convenience. The chief drawback in connection with it, to our eyes, is that all the inhabitants of the neighboring village appear to live in the front garden, but the hero evidently thinks it rather nice of them, as it enables him to make speeches to them from the front doorstep--his favorite recreation. There is generally a public-house immediately opposite. This is handy. These "estates" are a great anxiety to the stage hero. He is not what you would call a business man, as far as we can judge, and his attempts to manage his own property invariably land him in ruin and distraction. His "estates," however, always get taken away from him by the villain before the first act is over, and this saves him all further trouble with regard to them until the end of the play, when he gets saddled with them once more. Not but what it must be confessed that there is much excuse for the poor fellow's general bewilderment concerning his affairs and for hi
