雅思6分大作文范文参考.docx

雅思6分大作文范文参照
雅思6分大作文范文参照
雅思6分大作文范文参照
批阅 By Will
本次批阅严格依据 ILETS 大作文评分标准进行。 ILETS 大作文评分项： TR ( 论证扣题度 ), Chat means much more time can be spent with their family members. In addition, as
the medical
care advancing
( 用词改良： the
effect
of such advancement reaches
far beyond expectancy.
In other words, not only... )
, not only a much longer life but also a much healthier life would
be achieved for
everyone. Then
people
are
highly
likely
to
retire
from work later
than
once
did,
accompanied by creating more value for the whole society. For example, as one aging, he becomes
increasingly
experienced
in terms of special filed which
he is always
involved
in.
if
the
retirement time is prolonged, economical or social value will be continually available.
( 这个
太像解说了不是例子
，不是实质生活中发生的而是你的推断。假如想不出新闻之类的话，你
能够举一些年
龄越大贡献越大的职业，比如： Accountants, scientists and engineers
)
However, there
are
a number of
downside risks
which cannot
be ignored. One
of
the major
drawbacks
is that the
increasing
number of
people caused by the much longer life
span will
lead
to
the
shortage
of resources. This can be clearly demonstrated by the fact that
( 注意你后边讲的不是一个
fact ，
而是一个 possibility
， 这个句型能够改为： As a consequence, it may be very possible that
) much
less re